Dear Rakhis,
How are you? I'm wishing you always be well. This isn't a normal writing, paragraph, or even a text. This is purely from your deepest heart. So, whichever version of Rakhis who looks into this confession, I really hope you're in the best part of your life, so you can smile while reading this stupid confession.
Let's talk about life, you know, I like you pretty much when you're a kid, you were just friends with anyone else, and somehow you can maintain that friendship until now. Younger age of Rakhis is a bit full of himself if I can say, yes, because you're not only good at academics, you can also play football, like man, you're a starter and perfect CB back then. You're just one of a kind, a kid born even without perfect "talent" touch, somehow I can feel you're God's favorite!
Though it didn't last long enough, I'm feeling sad when you're diagnosed with one of the diseases that made your life flip away. I still remember how confident you were, you cut your study time for GTA V on PlayStation 3, played it with or even without your father, you were just kind of addicted to gaming back then if I'm being honest. Not only that, with your diagnosis, you can't perform well enough in many sports, it's mostly because of your stamina, though I've never seen you faint even once in your life. That Elementary School memories must be a perfect example of how your life would have been if this disease didn't come.
So, with that diagnosis, you tell everyone that you're not a "normal" kiddo, you need proper rest, not too much time spent on sports, even just simple outdoor activities like scout, you didn't touch them in your Junior High School years. A valid reason to be honest, you don't know what will happen to your life if you exceed the line that your doctor set. Maybe it's one of the reasons why most people in your Junior High School don't know you except your own classmates, except maybe those who know you because you're "different," you look pale all of the time, people pity you. But guess what? Life is indeed a plot twist, in your 3rd class at JHS, you managed to have a friend, one who wanted to be truly your friend, he even told you that he wanted to see you healthy, back to normal like a normal person. He helped you, getting out of your darkest times, set you up into a new different view, and literally everything. Maybe he was one of God's kindest gifts, He sent you a friend to help you through the dark times, and ensured that you're not alone.
Maybe you're tired of being treated as a "special" kid, that's why when I see you at your earlier time in your Vocational School, you didn't even let people know the detail of your disease, you even convinced people that you're healthy, even though you are not, even though you're tired most of the time. But you keep moving forward. I smiled when I look into your Vocational School journey, you're not a kid who didn't spend any time on sports, nor on outdoor activities, though most of it you avoid because it's not your type. You're transforming into something new, you made a bond with people, now, even those who are not in the same class with you, know who you are. You're making progress, that's why I like this version of you. You even met your teacher, a beloved one, as you said. But that's not the point, both of you bonded into a deep connection, though there's still a part of you she didn't know, maybe otherwise, you still didn't know most of her. But you're sharing each other's vulnerabilities, that's uncommon among humans, and you're reaching that point. I'm proud of you! You grew into this version of Rakhis, a human with feelings, you're leveling up, so I suppose you know what empathy is this time. Even though, you still didn't open up about what happened to you, what exactly it is, you even see this disease as a burden, I know, maybe it really is, and I'm sorry.
Hey, I've heard you got rejected two times when you tried to register into a university? That must be hard for you, another hard day I suppose. But your mom got information about Binus from her client, why not give it a chance? Maybe you're good here, since you have experience with algorithms, I suppose Computer Science wouldn't hurt?
I take that as a yes, even in your early semester, you got into a competition, one from Kominfo. Wow, Khis, that's a big step there, but, calm down a bit will you? I saw you like a person who's too confident. I understand you already have the basics, but maybe, you're still a student? And maybe that's why your team got eliminated, before you even put your work there. It's not your fault, but let's learn more, will you?
Which semester are we on? I see you're interested in politics, curious like you can drink all the water in this world. I know, it seems simple isn't it? You don't even need to put so much time in to know which side is evil, and which is less. Pretty basic tbh, but I see you're desperate seeing people still make the wrong choice, even when the answer is already right there in front of them, and somehow they still get it wrong. It's tiring, I know. But this is not something you can fix alone, you can fix something right away if everything is under your control, but this one is not one of them. You can't, maybe look into an organization?
Hey, good news! I found an organization in HIMCOMSCI, with Division Connect Zone to be precise, they said they will come into society, making an impact there! I think you need to take the chance. Oh? It doesn't turn out as you expected? Man, maybe what you're expecting is way too complex for university organizations. I'm sorry, let's move on, will you? At least you have someone in that organization who has the same thoughts as yours.
Hey, Rakhis, you there? I see a message, one of your seniors, from your organization, said that she has an opportunity for an internship! I guess this is your chance, let's take it, and show what you got! And hey, Rakhis, the organization isn't that bad, right? You got this chance because of that organization too, maybe this is God saying thank you for your kindest intent, even if it turned out to disappoint you.
Oh how! You're accepted! Congrats! This is finally the time you can show up, do whatever you want, keep the secret about the disease, be the curious and loud, or everything! This is the chance you can finally meet people who are better than you! Ask anything you want and I promise you won't regret it because you know too much. That's a kind of underrated pain, you know?
Hey, the internship finally ended, and from your face, I can see that you're happy, you don't bury any regret or anger, everything feels like a relief, even though I also see that you're a little bit sad, but come on, that's normal. As you said, the grief is a proof that there's a bond between you and your friends.
Wake up kiddo, this is your birthday, what's your wish? I know, I know what you always wanted, that is being understood and being treated equally. I hope the world gave it to you. But for now, let's wake up first. Um? I'm sorry, I think your own family treated you wrong again. But let's forget it. Ahh, I heard that your father expects something big from you, but even you're not being treated equally by this world. Maybe it's a long journey to get that "something big," Rakhis. Especially when the world is not on your side. But don't worry, I'll always be there for you. Right now, you can sleep. I hope tomorrow gives you some answer. You’ve got a good heart, khis. Don’t ever lose it, no matter how the world tries to break you.